I'm baaack!!! Prelim preps are reaaally tiring maan. Taking a break now and tryin to organise my thoughts about today's sermon.

Well, sharing during cell group didn't quite come out right. HAHA. My mind was just in complete confusion. Anyway thinking back, pastor's first point, we have to DIE for it. Totally got me like HUH? My 'awesome' brain's first thought was like "die literally??!? Like how is that even possible considering that that's just the start of accomplishing God's calling? Die already acomplish what?" Then as I thought again.. I guess not? HAHA. That was just really stuuupid. Brain malfunction. HAHA. I still didn't quite get it anyway.

Pastor asked us to go to the altar so he could pray for us but I was just in a HUGE MAJOR pile of confusion i didn't budge. HAHAHA! Then before I knew it, my whole row was gone except for xie lao shi. My brain was like wuud?? wuuud?? what the heck is goin on man I don't get it?!? HAHA. Ultimate brain malfunction.

Ok point is.. I stood there, trying to get my thoughts right. Didn't quite work out with the music and all but then, the sermon title dawned on me.. being a good shepherd, then the bridge of the song was clear, something about the church. Then I remembered my mum pestering me about going back to COGS. Didn't wanna think about it.. but it came back anyway. Another pile of confusion. My brain was like having internal storms. Then xie lao shi prayed for me. Only thing she prayed that got into my stormy brains was "don't give up".

After service as I was walking home until now that I'm blogging, I just kept thinking about what happened back there during service. Okay so I still don't get what God's calling for me is. Or rather maybe it's not clear. I didn't step forward cause I didn't know what I was up for. It's not such a simple decision come to think of it. Laying down your life for something is not some childplay game mann. I figured I've upsetted God enough for all my wrongs and I just wanted to do this right. No guarantees I'll follow through God's plan with no complications but just making this decision, this huge decision... No way am I gonna go for something that I'm highly uncertain and end up faltering along the way. No way am I going to make this decision to dissappoint God again. That's just dumb. Well neither am I gonna strive to my best till I reach the top of the career ladder and have no idea what I am on this earth for. That's just extremely more dumb.. not to mention a HUGE waste of time. They always say you're never to young to do what God wants you to do. Well that's cool. I'm young. But ahem.. what the heck does God want me to do anyway?!? HAHA

I suddenly felt like reading "the purpose driven Life" last week, way before today's sermon. So I guess God must want to tell me something through this really old yellow spotted book that I think my parents read only 1/5 and gave up cause I found their bookmark. HAHAHAHA. Ok off track. Anyway, yea hopefully God'll tell me something through this book and DON'T WORRY, I WON'T give up. Thanks xie lao shi! Dude no way am I gonna give up and waste more of this precious life.

Until I'm absolutely sure, 101% plus chop plus guarantee plus stamp plus warranty card sure about God's purpose for me, I don't wanna make that decision just yet. Even though when I finally realise my purpose and it's not what I expected, I'd rather accomplish God's meaningful purpose for me rather than succumb to what this strange planet defines as success.

Besides, ain't this planet just a passing? (:


Dear Lord, please tell me your purpose for me soon, I just really wanna do this right for you. (: