Looks like I'll be blogging more these days. I am utterly dissapointed with the standards of St John now... I just really wonder where "respect and discipline" is in their dictionary. Talk amongst themselves while I am briefing, stroll when asked to squeeze and don't even shout squeeze, no reply to questions even if it's just a yes or no, no sense of urgency whatsoever. What has happened to St John?! Even greeting the teachers sounds like a chore instead of a mark of respect. Sigh... I really pray that the Lord will annoint the leaders now, that they may set an excellent standard for the juniors. I wonder when things will make a turn...

Despite really dreading school, I guess I wanna choose to have fun. Emily was right, it's really up to me if I want my day to be a great one. That's exactly what I told the juniors but well it didn't seem to occur to me that I wasn't applying it myself. Now, I do. Thanks Emily(: My noisy and happy days in school have long gone now that I have lost a really close friend for reasons I don't even know. Everytime during chapel or church, all I think about is how much I wished she would know God. Seeing her frowning everyday, living life aimlessly, I can't help but shed uncontrollable tears for her. Communication just doesn't seem possible so all I can do is pray. Still, each frown on her face just pains my heart, many would think that's just her face.. but, I would think not.

Well, after taking Emily's advice, today wasn't that bad afterall. Not that it was great either but I'm thankful it wasn't dreadful. hahhahaha. Now that life has been so much quieter, I realise myself just speaking thanks and praise to God so much more often. Even the heavy rain after training today seemed just so extremely beautiful. Every rain droplet hitting the ground reflected such light that it even looked like stars, shimmering from the ground. People may think I'm really emo now cause I'm normally reaaally noisy but if being quiet opens my eyes to how God sees things, why not? hahahaha.

Many problems happening in our cell now. Problems surfacing and all.. really REALLY not a good time for problems now God, but I'm sure you have good plans so I'm just gonna play along with it. Hahahahah. The Purpose Driven Life has been a great inspiration to me and I really believe that it is God speaking to me. Thanks LOADS man. I SALUTE you much!

Just wanna share something really nice from the book. I was reading it, yearning for any possible word from God and this sentence "God smiles when we trust him completely" struck me. It's amazing how smiles or laughter works in me. Ever since I was young I longed to be a "class clown" but it never really worked. Hahahah! Whenever people smile or laugh, even if it is at me(lol), inside me, utmost joy just pours out. I think laughing has been the best gift ever. :P Maybe this is because my family is often filled with so much internal anger, even a smile would be artificial. Whatever it is, I really thank God for showing me how beautiful a smile is. If not for God's perfect plan for me, I would never have realised the beauty of a simple smile.

From this awesome book, I now even know how make my creator SMILE! It's just unimaginable how radiant his smile would be! I just need to trust him completely. I really do not know how great this degree of trust means but i know full well I must trust him completely to make him smile. I wonder if God has teeth... his smile would be... glistening in the sun? HAHAHAHA. Off point. Ok trusting him completely, reminded me of my previous post, holding back, afraid I'd disappoint him. Well, these words assured me more than anything else anyone has ever said. Then at that point I kinda pictured God telling me, "don't worry, you just need to trust me" in the most gentlest quiet voice. Now how beautiful is that! Wah I really gan chu liang duo. HAHAHAHA. Now I can say with conviction, YES I will do even the stupidest things as long as it makes my creator smile.

They always say.. things are easier said than done. However, proclaiming it IS a start! Lord, bring me through.. I want to trust you. (: